Summertime (By Kenny G)

"Summertime," embodies the atmosphere of summer relaxation--the soft, flowing saxophone runs gently ebbing back and forth like a calm tide along an endless shoreline, bathed in warm sunlight.  Each time I hear this song, I see myself lying by water without a care in the world.  That is a quality of jazz music that I absolutely love!  Whether it is exciting or relaxing you, jazz has the power to just take you away.  Everything else fades and you're caught in the moment.  Right now, that moment is wonderful summertime...

I rather enjoy the beginning of summer.  It always gives me a chance to reflect on the past school year.  Looking back, I am happy with how my junior year went.  I've met good people, made close friends, and learned new things about myself, which I've shared with others.  I feel like I've grown a lot as both a student and a person.  However, this year did come with its challenges and regrets.  I'll admit I made choices and did things that I wish I could take back.  You know, that whole hindsight being 20/20 deal.  I've learned from these experiences, though.  I can't say I'm thrilled about the consequences, but I accept them.  Sometimes the best lessons come from bad situations when you own up to your mistakes. 

So what now?  Well, I've been trying to figure that for weeks, even months.  My summer plans were to work in a research laboratory.  I did not anticipate the application deadlines of most summer research internships being in late January/early February, however.  I found that out too late, so it has been very difficult to find available opportunities.  Fortunately, a friend of mine recently put me in contact with a PI (principal investigator) at the McGowan Institute for Regenerative Medicine.  I had an interview a couple weeks ago and that PI wants to hire me!  Though it's still up in the air whether she can afford to or not.  Lord willing, her grant administrator will say yes to funding and soon.  Working there would be AMAZING and such an opportunity.  If it doesn't work out... well, anyone know of any research opportunities because I sure don't?!

Anyway, until I find out about McGowan, chillin' in Jersey is the name of my game.  I'm definitely not opposed to spending time at home, though.  Home is a nice place.  It also gives me a chance to reconnect with my friends from high school.  I cherish keeping in contact with old friends and maintaining close friendships.  There is such value to having friends who are there for you--friends to laugh with, support, and understand you.  I try not to lose sight of that when I find myself too busy during the school year.  When my workload is high, I tend to prioritize down hanging out and staying contact with people.  Sometimes it is good to focus, but I think at other times, I could work on balancing my commitments and my friends better.  That sounds like a good goal for senior year, although we're not talking about that one just yet!  I've got still the whole summer ahead of me.  Right now, it's just time to relax and catch up with friends, family, and of course my TV shows.  Breaks like this are far too rare and I plan to enjoy it while it lasts.

Waste My Time (By Alexz Johnson)

Did anyone ever watch that show Instant Star?  It was on The N years ago, back when people actually watched The N and Drake was what's his face on Degrassi... Jimmy I think.  I wonder if that channel still even exists.  Regardless, Instant Star popped up on Netflix and I couldn't help but watch it again.  Now I have the song "Waste My Time," stuck in my head.

I wish I had some time to waste.  Fortunately, Netflix only has two seasons of Instant Star.  I'm taking a four-week Organic Chem II course and I'm beginning to realize Organic Chemistry should not be able to fit into four weeks.  It's unbelievable how much time I have to devote to this class--two hours of lecture five days a week, then six-eight hours of studying everyday.  Somehow, at one point I thought this was a good idea!

It's not all bad, though.  There is some benefit to taking this course.  Forcing myself to study everyday has really gotten me into a good habit.  However, I had a slow start, so I will be really digging in this weekend, rather than going home like originally planned.  I better do well because now I'm going to miss the church picnic, father's day, and grandpa 90th birthday.

Oh well, T-minus eighteen days until I leave for my month long research internship in Switzerland.... get it!  I really have to figure out what I want to do while I'm over there.  Obviously, I have to visit Stéphanie, Chloé, and Pierre in Brussels.  If I'm up that far, maybe I can hop on over to Amsterdam?!  Or go southbound down to Italy... Milan, Verona, Roma. Of course, I guess I actually have to work and do my internship so yeah.  We'll figure it out.

Well it's late and I got work in the morning. Lata playa.

Time (By Pink Floyd)

How appropriate... "Time."  I was just thinking about how it's been such a long "time" since I looked at my blog and this song came on on my ipod. I guess, thus far this blog has been a complete failure since the only post I ever published was the introduction, almost a year ago.  I actually did write a few posts after "Genesis," but I didn't feel they were adequate enough to share.  A lot has changed since then...

Time. Things change with time.  My dad once said the only things ensured in life are death and taxes. Wise man.  I think we can add 'change' to the list of inevitability that life brings us.

I personally have a love-hate relationship with change, which I'm sure most can identify with.  I hate when something is going good and changes, but I love when things change for the better.

Lately, I think things have been changing for the better.  Without a doubt, this has been a big year of change for me, even up through the past month.  I'm beginning to find a new confidence, a new voice that I wish I had found years ago.  It might not be noticeable because I've always given off the impression of self-confidence, but I have something now that I know wasn't there before.  For the first time, I'm starting to stand up for Spencer and think more about my needs before others.  I know that sounds horrible. I'm praising becoming more selfish, but yes, actually I am.

I am inherently a nice person.  I can't help but find satisfaction from helping people.  Seeing others happy, makes me happy; if only more people felt that way.  But, sometimes I need to be the happy person, as in sometimes I need to say no, rather than go out of my way to address someone else's needs.  And I'm becoming ok with that.

I'm becoming ok with saying no to a couple things, even when it makes me 'uncool.'  A year ago, I never would've turned down a drink at a party.  I originally started drinking because I wanted people to think I'm cool. I actually turned out to be a pretty good drinker too.  You can be good at drinking, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  I never liked that about myself, though--one that I drank and two that I sought approval from people I didn't even know.

I don't care anymore though.  That's part of why I have no problem posting on this blog now.  That is why I'm happily sober right now.  I'm tired of worrying about what other people think.  That's not to say I won't still worry.  Let's be real.  Actually, that's exactly what I'm going to do.  I'm going to be real.  I'm going to be me.  Take it or leave it.

You gotta be yourself and let people get to know the real you.  It's the only way to tell who you want to be around and who you don't.  If you don't feel comfortable being yourself around your "friends," then maybe they aren't the right people to be around.  Either way, something there has to change, or else you're headed down a pretty sad and lonely path. It kinda sucks when you feel like the people closest to you don't get you, but how can they if they don't know you?

So now I wonder, of the people that life will throw my way, who will stick around?  #CHEESY-ENDING-ALERT: I guess only time will tell!

P.S.- As this is my first content-filled post, I'd love to hear some feedback

P.P.S.- Also, I highly encourage you to refer back to my first post if you get the chance. It puts things into context and judging by the fact that I have no followers as of yet, you probably haven't already read it, so yeah, do that!

Genesis

So I can't believe I am finally doing this.  I've been thinking about blogging for some time now, but I kept putting it off as something I would get around to doing, like my always distant plans to go skydiving and road-tripping.  At some point you gotta just do it.  Congrats to Nike for picking up on that slogan.  I think I've also finally found a topic worth sharing with the greater internet community- the music of my life.  Or rather, the music of my iTunes and how it reflects and describes my life, how it reflects and describes me.

In this blog,  I will use a different song as the foundation for each post and just build from there.  I might talk about how I feel when I hear the song, I might reminisce on a certain memory evoked by the song, or I might just tell the story about how the song came to be in my iTunes (which is some cases, is way more interesting than you would think).  Each post will be different, yet all will be unified by their ability to tell something (hopefully interesting) about me.  Sorry if that sounds a little self-indulgent!  

Anyways, enough writing about it.  I don't like when people write, "In this essay, I will be explaining why... [insert argument here]."  I apologize for reusing the Nike reference, but don't tell me about what you are going to do in your essay... just do it! So without further ado, welcome to my Life Through the Little Gray iPod.  It is my hope that in finding something new about me, you all will find humor, intellectual stimulation, and something new about yourselves.  Enjoy.