Time (By Pink Floyd)

How appropriate... "Time."  I was just thinking about how it's been such a long "time" since I looked at my blog and this song came on on my ipod. I guess, thus far this blog has been a complete failure since the only post I ever published was the introduction, almost a year ago.  I actually did write a few posts after "Genesis," but I didn't feel they were adequate enough to share.  A lot has changed since then...

Time. Things change with time.  My dad once said the only things ensured in life are death and taxes. Wise man.  I think we can add 'change' to the list of inevitability that life brings us.

I personally have a love-hate relationship with change, which I'm sure most can identify with.  I hate when something is going good and changes, but I love when things change for the better.

Lately, I think things have been changing for the better.  Without a doubt, this has been a big year of change for me, even up through the past month.  I'm beginning to find a new confidence, a new voice that I wish I had found years ago.  It might not be noticeable because I've always given off the impression of self-confidence, but I have something now that I know wasn't there before.  For the first time, I'm starting to stand up for Spencer and think more about my needs before others.  I know that sounds horrible. I'm praising becoming more selfish, but yes, actually I am.

I am inherently a nice person.  I can't help but find satisfaction from helping people.  Seeing others happy, makes me happy; if only more people felt that way.  But, sometimes I need to be the happy person, as in sometimes I need to say no, rather than go out of my way to address someone else's needs.  And I'm becoming ok with that.

I'm becoming ok with saying no to a couple things, even when it makes me 'uncool.'  A year ago, I never would've turned down a drink at a party.  I originally started drinking because I wanted people to think I'm cool. I actually turned out to be a pretty good drinker too.  You can be good at drinking, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  I never liked that about myself, though--one that I drank and two that I sought approval from people I didn't even know.

I don't care anymore though.  That's part of why I have no problem posting on this blog now.  That is why I'm happily sober right now.  I'm tired of worrying about what other people think.  That's not to say I won't still worry.  Let's be real.  Actually, that's exactly what I'm going to do.  I'm going to be real.  I'm going to be me.  Take it or leave it.

You gotta be yourself and let people get to know the real you.  It's the only way to tell who you want to be around and who you don't.  If you don't feel comfortable being yourself around your "friends," then maybe they aren't the right people to be around.  Either way, something there has to change, or else you're headed down a pretty sad and lonely path. It kinda sucks when you feel like the people closest to you don't get you, but how can they if they don't know you?

So now I wonder, of the people that life will throw my way, who will stick around?  #CHEESY-ENDING-ALERT: I guess only time will tell!

P.S.- As this is my first content-filled post, I'd love to hear some feedback

P.P.S.- Also, I highly encourage you to refer back to my first post if you get the chance. It puts things into context and judging by the fact that I have no followers as of yet, you probably haven't already read it, so yeah, do that!